


Something to Hold On To

by ironichippo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Flowers, Fluff, M/M, Nerd!sam, Sastiel - Freeform, Smut, punk!Cas, we'll add more tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironichippo/pseuds/ironichippo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas grins into Sam's hair, breathing in the scent of apply shampoo and fresh flowers. "I love you too, kid. Now and forever."</p>
<p>"Promise?" Sam asks in a small voice, tightening his hold on the older boy and sighing.</p>
<p>"Promise." Castiel replies without skipping a beat.</p>
<p>Otherwise known as the sastiel high school AU where Sam wears flowers in his hair and Castiel wears leather jackets in the summer and they're both stupidly in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a fun little au, something for kicks, but it's become so much more. My amazing friend, Mai (flowerchildsam on tumblr-please check out her blog!), and I have been working on this for what seems ages, and we're finally ready to share it with you. I'd like to thank Mai for her ideas and beautiful writing, and all the fun we had with this. She truly is the Sammy to my Cas. <3
> 
> It's been a wild ride for us, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we have. Thanks for reading.

There's really no clearly defined seasons in Cheyenne, Wyoming. There's just cold, colder, coldest, and warmish, which is why Sam remembers the summer between ninth and tenth grade so vividly. It was sweltering, the kind of hot that leaves the air thick as soup and your clothes sticking to your skin. He can remember sitting sprawled out across the floor next to an electric fan blowing around warm air with his hair sticking to his forehead and sweat dripping down his back.

That was also the summer the school suggested to his dad that he skip a grade. It wasn't because Sam's particularly smart, it was just because he had always been a couple steps ahead of his classmates. His brother, Dean, insists that that's because he spends too much time at the library (and maybe if he took after his brother and had his head buried between some chick's thighs instead of in a book he wouldn't have this problem). 

Sam had worked hard to convince his dad to let him skip a grade. He kissed up to him, of course; washing the dishes after dinner, mowing the lawn, etc. It would help him get into the college he wanted (Stanford; and he'd definitely need a scholarship, too) and, besides, it's not like he had any friends that he'd be leaving behind. So, after a handful of parent-teacher meetings and a couple of heated discussions where Sam was practically on his knees, he starts the next school year in eleventh grade instead of tenth. 

It's alright, he thinks. Most of the kids in his class refused to acknowledge him for a while but, a few months into the school year, a group of girls in his AG math class took a liking to him once they'd discovered he was Dean Winchester's little brother. Lisa (always wore hoop earrings and scoop-neck t-shirts) developed a habit of braiding small strands of his hair during class. 

Despite making new friends, Sam still ate lunch alone in the garden outside his physics classroom. Which is fine with him, because there's nobody to make fun of him for wearing flowers in his hair and Sam can listen to the Ramones as loud as he wants. 

Other than the couple of girls in his class, Sam doesn't usually involve himself with anyone else in his grade. Until one day he, literally, runs into Castiel Novak in the hallway between third and fourth period. 

It's Wednesday, and Sam has a couple of small daisies woven between strands of his brown hair. He'd just left math class, which meant that the braids Lisa had left in his hair are still visible. Sam made his way through the halls with his head down, eyes trained on the floor. He walked quickly, not wanting to be late, until he collided with something, or rather someone, solid, causing Sam as well as the other person to drop their books. 

"Shit, I-I’m so sorry-" He looks up and stops talking with a gulp. Castiel Novak. 

Castiel Novak always sits at the back of the class, with no notes, no books, not even a pencil and never spoke more than two words a day. He's the kid with slicked back hair, piercings and one hell of a tattoo spanning across his shoulders. He wears leather whenever possible and heavy eyeliner on occasion. He's the kid the freshmen avoid eye contact with. He's the one splattering the school grounds in graffiti. The one who smokes god knows what during lunch. The loner, the one who ditches, the one they call 'goth boy'. 

Everyone in the younger grades was terrified of him, including Sam. He would've rather bumped into a WWE wrestler than Castiel Novak.

Castiel studies Sam wordlessly. His mouth stays pressed in a thin, hard line, and his piercingly blue eyes narrow until he spots the flowers poking out from Sam's hair. Slowly, Castiel tilts his head to the side, brow furrowing, and eyes the daisies.

Sam blushes under the older boy's gaze and licks his lips nervously, shifting from foot to foot and waiting for Castiel to yell at him or punch him or something. Noticing him eying his flowers, Sam's hand flies up to his hair self-consciously and he begins twirling a strand around his finger.

Castiel watches Sam play with his hair for a moment before his face relaxes back to its normal emotionless state. Slowly he crouches down and picks up his one tattered journal. After pausing for a brief moment, he collects Sam's textbooks into a pile and rises. He holds the younger boy's books out to him without a word.

Sam hesitates, blinking up at Castiel for a moment. He takes his books back slowly, cautiously, before speaking again. 

"Look u-uh, Castiel, right um... uh... I’m really sorry, man, I-I wasn't looking where I was going and I'll... I won't do it again, because I've learned my lesson, okay? It'll never h-happen again I-." Sam bites down, hard, on his tongue to stop his anxious babbling. "Please don't punch me."

Castiel's face is gradually taken over by confusion as the younger boy talks. Sam watches the way lines crease Castiel's forehead, making him look beyond his years. Finally, after processing what Sam had said, he opens his mouth. "I...wouldn't hit you." His voice is low and rough, obviously underused.

Sam frowns, swallowing thickly, clutches his books tighter to his chest and hunches his shoulders a bit. "R-Really?"

Castiel nods. Soundlessly, he reaches out to Sam's hair and plucks a daisy from behind his ear. He looks from the flower to Sam's face curiously.

Sam doesn't meet Castiel' eyes when he says, "u-um, I like flowers," dumbly.

"Huh." Castiel gives the flower a once over before opening the cover of his journal and placing it inside. He closes the book carefully, eyes Sam thoughtfully one more time, then turns on his heel and walks away without another word. Before Sam has the chance to ask for his flower back, Castiel's already halfway down the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Sam have their second encounter and gayness ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay. School has been crazy for both of us, but hopefully we'll have more time to write in the future. Thanks for reading and enjoy! <3 ~Mai and Charlie

 

  
 

When the bell rings for lunch, Cas heads outside, collar popped, cigarette at the ready. He trudges behind the lunchroom and lights it. Slowly, he raises it to his lips and inhales the bitter smoke, holding his breath until his lungs burn. Only then does he exhale, sending two streams of thick smoke from his nose. He closes his eyes and leans against the building, sighing. He'd liked the kid with the flowers in his hair. He was  _different._

_Didn_ _'_ _t get his name._

Cas takes another drag of his cigarette while he thinks. Then another. Eventually, he decides to hunt out the little punk to see how different he really was. With a flick of his wrist, Cas flings the butt of his cigarette into a puddle before shoving his hands into his pocket and making his way to the lunchroom.

 

\- - - -

 

Castiel is stationed at the doorway when he hears someone call his name. 

"Castiel! Castiel!"   

Castiel's eyes widen as the younger student from earlier approaches him. Unsure what to do, he puts his head down and stalks to the counter, half hoping to lose him in the crowd.

Sam frowns, stops in his tracks, and tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear.  _Idiot,_  Sam thinks,  _just because he took one of your flowers and you decided to unleash verbal-diarrhea on him doesn't mean you two are suddenly besties, Sam_. He sighs. 

When he glances over his shoulder, the kid is gone. Castiel isn't sure if he's relieved or disappointed. He frowns at this conflict, wondering why he has it in the first place. Sighing, he nicks an apple off the stand and shoves it in his pocket before grabbing a napkin. Carefully, so no one will see, he swipes two cookies and wraps them up. These, he slides up his sleeve. He then walks over to the kid casually, as if nothing had happened. 

Sam fixes the flowers in his hair when he notices Castiel approaching him. He backs up a bit, licks his lips. "I-I’m sorry.. I'm not, like, stalking you. I p-promise."

Castiel's brow furrows. He hesitates before sliding into the seat opposite the kid. "What is your name?" he asks, care put into every word.

"S-Sam," the kid answers nervously.

Castiel nods slowly, chest fluttering when Sam reaches up to adjust a couple blooms in his hair. All of a sudden he becomes uncomfortable in the crowded lunch hall, feeling out of place amongst the bubbly chatter surrounding them. Castiel's eyes flicker around uneasily and his mouth grows dry. Abruptly, he gets up to leave.

Sam frowns. "Where- u-um..."

Castiel looks back at Sam, expression almost pained. He doesn't want to leave the kid alone, but he feels as though he shouldn't be there nonetheless. Hesitating, he strides back to Sam's side. He takes the apple and cookies and gingerly places them on the table in front of the smaller boy. Without an explanation, he turns and walks to the door hurriedly, avoiding eye contact as he does.

Sam watches as the older boy places the food in front of him, corner of his lips tugging down. He folds the napkin over the cookies and tucks them and the apple into his pocket. Sam's not hungry anymore.

Castiel doesn't stop until he's around the corner of the building and he's lighting his next cigarette.  _F_ _uck_.  _W_ _hy would you lose your cool like that? Over some kid?_ Castiel takes a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs and clear his mind.

The door to the cafeteria opens and shuts. Sam heads out of the cafeteria and towards his normal place in the school garden and shivers, despite wearing three layers of clothing. 

Castiel holds his breath, holds in the smoke. Once he's sure no one is headed his way, he peeks around the corner just in time to see Sam disappear behind the main building. Castiel releases his breath in a cloud of vapor. He thinks for only a moment before following the kid.

Stopping at the corner, Castiel peers around the bend and watches Sam for a moment. 

Sam sits down criss-cross on the bench under the tree in the garden and takes out the apple. He wrinkles his nose after taking a sizable bite out of it, deciding it's too mushy, and tosses the apple into the garbage bin next to the bench.  

He seems so content under the tree, even with the chilly wind. Castiel can't stop the tiny smile that makes its way onto his lips. A real, genuine smile, the first in Lord knows how long. 

As Castiel watches, he continues to smoke his cigarette without really thinking about it.

Sam frowns when he smells cigarette smoke. He turns around, half expecting it to be one of his teachers, but his eyes widen when he sees Castiel.

Cas nearly chokes on his last drag but barely keeps it down when he meets Sam's eyes. He takes a deep breath and walks over to Sam, completely unsure why or what he was going to do when he got there. All he knows is that he can't just walk away. 

Sam blinks leans away a bit, almost tumbling off the bench, and Castiel halts when he notices Sam's slight retreat. "What’re you- you don't h-have to..."

Castiel opens his mouth to reply but closes it again when he realizes he doesn't have anything to say. He looks around awkwardly before holding out his cigarette, the only peace offering he can think of.

Sam gulps and then looks up to make sure that Castiel is really offering what Sam thinks he is. He's always been told _not_ to smoke. Dean practically threatened him ( _damn it, Sam, if you smoke I ain't gonna pay for your hospital bills_ ). But this is Castiel, and he can't refuse because maybe he'll think Sam's a pussy or something. If he impresses the older boy, maybe he'll sit with him at lunch. 

So, he takes the cigarette and holds it carefully between his thumb and index finger before bringing it to his lips and taking a drag. All he tastes is smoke for a minute and then there's this wild contraction in the back of his throat and he's coughing, hacking, into his fist and gripping the edge of the bench for support.

Castiel is kneeling by his side in an instant. He snatches the cigarette and tosses it before patting Sam between the shoulder blades, all the time remaining cool and collected.

"I'm sorry- I-" Sam manages to gasp out before he's coughing again as Castiel pats his back. When he recovers his chest is heaving and there's a blush spreading across his cheeks because  _how fucking embarrassing was that_. "I'm sorry, sorry, I've never.."

Castiel just shakes his head, looking Sam dead in the eye. There's no sign of disappointment, only concern. "Are you okay?" he asks, voice softer than usual.

Sam nods, surprised that Castiel isn't making fun of him or at least smiling by now. "Uh huh," he replies, picking up a daisy that had fallen out of his hair in the process and twirling it between his fingers before tucking it back just above his ear.

Castiel watches intently as Sam returns the flower to his hair. His mouth remains expressionless, though his eyes seem intrigued. "Why...?" he starts, though he's too distracted to finish the question.

"Why what?”.

"...the flowers." Castiel says, tone still reserved. He reaches out and brushes the petals of one gingerly with the back of his index finger, cocking his head to the side.

"O-Oh, um," Sam has to abort a shiver when Castiel's fingers brush over one of the flowers. "I don't know, actually. I've always liked flowers. And ever since my mom.. uh," he shakes his head, "passed.. a few years back she used to be really into gardening, I guess. She always told me what flowers were which and what they stood for.

Castiel nods to indicate that he's listening.

"Like these," he pauses to motion to the flowers in his hair, "daisies, they stand for, uh, purity, joy, innocence. And when she died I started wearing them in my hair." Sam laughs weakly and wets his lips before continuing. "My brother... he made fun of me at first but, I mean, I think he gets it now. And I don't know what everyone else thinks. Must be kinda weird, huh? Oh, God, I swear I don't always talk this much...”

"My apologies. For your mother." Castiel says stiffly. He quickly leans back on his heels and retrieves his journal from the inside pocket of his jacket. He removes the daisy he'd taken earlier and holds it out to Sam. "And I'm sorry. For taking this. I didn't know what it meant." 

"No, no," Sam says quickly, putting his hands up and motioning for the older boy to put it back into his book. "Really, keep it. I'm sorry for, uh, for telling you all that. I didn't mean to-" Sam throws his hands out, searching for the right words, "- dump that on you."

Castiel shrugs as he puts the flower back in his journal. He tucks it back into his pocket before taking a seat next to Sam. "It was nice. To have a conversation." he says casually.

Sam thinks for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Castiel?" His voice is still a bit rough from the smoke and the coughing. He takes out the cookies from his pocket and offers them out to Castiel with a hopeful look on his face.

Castiel blinks at the cookie and then at Sam. He hesitates before taking it with a gentle smile. "Thanks, kid."

Sam's face breaks into an ominous grin, showing off the dimples on his cheeks, and he's blushing again. "Sure," he mumbles, picking up another cookie. He takes a bite and smiles down at his lap.

Castiel feels his heart flutter again and he takes a bite of his cookie, hoping it will drown out the worrying sensation in his chest.

A moment of quiet passes as the two eat their cookies, and Sam scuffs the bottom of his worn sneakers along the pavement. He breaks the silence by saying, "So," with a mouth full of cookie. 

Castiel forces the cookie down, its sickly sweetness contrasting the aftertaste of his cigarettes. "So...?" he repeats, confused.

"Is there something other than Castiel I can call you?" Sam asks. "Like.. Cas? Can I call you Cas?"

Castiel hesitates for a moment. He'd never had a nickname before for an obvious reason; he'd never had friends before. The idea made him uneasy, like he was committing to something he shouldn't. "I'd rather you not." he finally says cautiously.

Sam nods, finishing the cookie and crumpling the napkin up in his hand. "Cas it is, then," he says, which makes Castiel wince, and makes a mental note.

He really ought to tell this punk who he's dealing with, but Castiel can't find it in him to hurt the kid. "Fine." he grumbles as he tosses the half eaten cookie into a bush. "Have it your way,  _Samantha_."

Sam rolls his eyes, wonders when it became so easy to tease Castiel when just a few moments ago he was the scariest kid Sam knew, and Cas can't help but crack a grin. 

He's surprised, that a kid like Sam would have the balls to hold a conversation with him. And even more surprising; Castiel was allowing it.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad boys will be bad boys, amirite?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Mai and I have been busy with school, not to mention we're together now. (: Anyway, we hope you enjoy!  
> -Charlie 
> 
> ITS BEEN SO LONG but finally a (short) chapter!! schools been super chaotic and other things and also we're dating now which is !!!! awesome (: alright, we hope you like the chapter!  
> \- Mai

  

Sam stacks his books in his locker with one hand and fumbles with a flower in his hair, Forget Me Nots, with the other. He's humming a few chords of a Fleetwood Mac song as his fingers brush across one of the raids that Lisa had left for him last period.

  _"I saw you talking to Castiel," she had said, immediately carding her fingers through his hair as soon as she slid into her seat. "Isn't he kind of…I don't know…scary?"_

_Sam had shrugged, leaned back a bit so it's easier for her to braid. "Nah, he's... he's really nice, actually," he replied with a smile._

_Lisa stopped suddenly, hands dropping down in her lap and he turned around to see her grinning giddily at him._

_"Oh shut-"_

_"SaaaaaAAAM you LIKE him!" She squealed,  giving him a sharp jab in the shoulder with her manicured nail._

_"I don't- ow, whatever! Do your work," he waved his hand and ignored her snickering as he turned back to his own paper._

 Sam shakes his head at the memory, but puts a textbook into his locker with a smile 

 Castiel walks silently up the hall, sending freshmen scurrying in his wake, and pauses a few feet from Sam and admires the flowers in his hair. They’re an electrifying blue, and Cas can't help but wonder where he'd got them from.

 "Hello, Sam." Castiel greets him. He stands awkwardly, hands buried in his pockets, shoulders hunched. The lingering taste of his last cigarette is still fresh in his mouth.

 Sam's eyes light up when he sees Castiel. "Hey, Cas," he replies with a shy smile. "How're you?"

 Castiel remains quiet at the question; he was unaccustomed to being asked such things, and was unsure whether to answer honestly or not. He instead looks Sam up and down. "I like your flowers." he mumbles, scared someone will overhear.

 "Forget Me Nots," Sam informs him, cheeks warm. "Um…true love."

 "Oh... They're...very nice. Mind if I...?"  Castiel trails off, timidly reaching out to pluck one from Sam's hair.

 Sam ducks his head to hide his smile, but jumps when someone suddenly comes up beside him and slams his locker shut. "Hey, Samantha." Sam looks up to see Michael, quarterback of the football team, standing way too close. Michael's in his science class and he'd been harassing Sam ever since the start of the year.

 "Mike."

 "Nice flowers, nerd," Mike teases. His stupid posse, made up of jocks who are ass-over-teakettle for him and will mindlessly do anything he asks, laughs. 

 Sam grits his teeth when Mike reaches out, plucks a blue flower from his hair, crushes it in his palm, and laughs.

 Castiel feels anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. Soundlessly he steps in front of Sam protectively and straightens up to his full height, puffing his chest out. 

 "Oohh, Samantha here has a boyfriend!" Mike mocks. His comment is followed by a roar of laughter from both his posse and a handful of onlookers.

 Cas growls, a deep, primitive sound. He balls his hands into fists and cracks his neck.

 "He's not my..." Sam pulls on the back of Castiel's shirt. "Cas, don't." he says in a small voice, glancing around at the small crowd that had gathered around them.

 "Oh goth boy here is on a leash!" Again, laughter erupts from the crowd as the jock smirks at Cas. "You gonna be a good little bitch and back off?" he drawls, voice laced with contempt.

 Castiel doesn't hesitate before grabbing the side of Mike's head and slamming it into Sam's locker. Michael moans as he crumples to the floor like a rag doll. Face as calm as ever, Cas steps over the heap on the floor and advances towards the rest of the bullies, who raise their fists.

 Sam yelps and then immediately covers his mouth with his hand. "Castiel! Stop, don't.. Cas!"

  Ignoring Sam's cry, Cas grabs one kid by the back of the neck and holds him still as he brings his knee up into the jock's stomach. Winded, the kid falls as Cas rams his fist into another's mouth, then his ribs; his face remaining blank, eyes flashing.

 "Castiel!" Sam wonders when the principal got there. 

 "Castiel Novak!" The principals booms again, arms crossed and dress shoe tapping rhythmically on the floor.

 Cas looks up from the kids strewn across the floor and lowers his fists. He glares at the principal, Mr. Singer wordlessly.

 "My office. Now."

 Castiel doesn't react immediately. The entire hall holds its breath, waiting for someone to make a move. Then, Castiel slowly kneels down and picks up Sam's Forget Me Not. The petals are squished and the stem snapped, but he holds it out to Sam nonetheless.

 Sam extends a shaking hand and, looking up at Cas with wide eyes, accepts the flower. "Thank you," he manages.

 Castiel nods before tucking his hands in his pockets, angling his head down, and trudging to the office. He can feel hundreds of eyes boring into him as he walks.

 


End file.
